Personal Moment

Hello my dear friends and readers. I'm taking a moment to share a little bit from my heart, for that is what I made this blog for. I post different kinds of stories here, and this one doesn't have anything to do with a new idea or even a teaching experience (besides what I have learned). This is just a personal testimony of how great my God is.

As you read this, please do not be judgmental. Please do not become discouraged. Please understand that I write this with joy in my heart, even though it took me a while to do so.

A long while ago, a very young, tired, overworked newly wed became shocked, along with her husband, to find that she was pregnant. Looking back at that moment, it's a little bit of a blur, especially when I try to pinpoint my exact emotions. A little excited, but a little scared to death. "Are we really going to be parents?" I asked my husband while laughing and hyperventilating (just a little). He was in the same position I was in, though, so we just sat there on our bathroom floor feeling like 2 kids...not grownups....who just got the news that our entire world was going to change, and responsibility was a word we only THOUGHT we knew. Oh my goodness!

We told our families the next day. Their joy and excitement encouraged us and helped us feel ok about being excited as well.

What wonderful moments!

You can probably guess where this is going.

A day later, that sign of little life left us.

I was only a few weeks along. Evidently this is very common, especially for first pregnancies. And I knew that many people would even argue with me that it may not have even been a baby. Since it took a while for the hormones to leave my system, my husband and I were confused on what could be the truth for a few days before seeing the doctor.

On the day that my complications were so severe that we knew we had to go to the ER, I remember sitting on the couch, listening to the song, "Not For A Moment (After All)" by Merideth Andrews. This song touched my heart so much, and if you click on the video link below and listen to it, I think you will understand why. You can't NOT be blessed by its message.

Tears just flowed as I sang along in broken sobs, for I knew deep in my heart what was true of our little life even before the doctor confirmed it. At the same time, though, I felt such peace, for I truly felt the presence of God with me. I felt held in the arms of  God, and I believed that our little (very little) one was in His arms, too.

It was so strange and yet so beautiful to feel such peace in the midst of such pain, to cry my heart out for 2 emotions - heart break and heart lift.

This memory comes back to me often. I don't talk about it often (I really don't) because people often shrug when they hear me talk about as if it's nothing. God also gave me the patience for that. To me, it was a life. To my husband and me, it was a baby, although not completely formed. I am not depressed over it or still curled up in pain, but today, for some reason, God has given me even more peace about it.

I realized that this is the month when the baby would probably be born. If the life had continued, I would most likely be full term now with the nursery all ready and my excitement bursting to meet him or her. Also, I would already have a name picked out. God did not intend it to happen that way, though, but that's ok. And today, God spoke to me and gave me a gift to make that a little bit better. He gave me a name for our little life. Boy or girl? I have no idea. But our life's name is Moment. It came out of inspiration from that wonderful song, God's special message to me at the time our life entered His presence again, and it also contains meaning, for we celebrated the life only for a moment.

I understand if you find this strange. I understand if you find this way too sad and personal to ever share on a blog. However, God has given me something to praise him for: He gave me Moment ....only for a moment... and I wouldn't trade that honor and celebration of being a mom, even though it was so incredibly brief. Again, it was a life to me, to my husband, and to God. Moment was loved so immensely, and so I choose not to hide his/her story or to forget it. God is the author of life, and I praise Him for what he gave and took away.

Someday this month, I am going to travel to the beach and have my own little celebration/mourning for Moment. I can't celebrate Moment's birth, nor could I really mourn the "death," so I will celebrate Moment's creator, and I will give God praise (still from a heavy heart) for a short moment of someone's life He let me share. Pictures of this event to come soon.

I hope you are blessed with this in some way, and I pray that you, who are reading this, truly celebrate your sacred moments of life today.